my thoughts....and all their weirdness!!

Do you ever feel unfulfilled? Like your life isnt how you want it to be? There are so many things i want t change-some which i cant, but the majority i can....so why dont i? Im really not sure....

Ive always been the typoe of person who starts something and then stops, grows bored or just gives up-looking back through my life so far, i did recorders in primary for a little bit, and then choir, and netball, i joined brownies-got my uniform and then left soon after, i did tennis at high school....but i stuck at none of these things-i started learning both piano and guitar....yet i can still play neither!! What does that say about me-that im a quitter?

Yet at the same time, i stuck it through college, when my depression was at its peak, i stuck it our during first year at uni, even when i failed a placement and felt so low... im so confused about who i am, what i am, how i am...

Do you even wonder where your life is going? I mean, i never wanted to be a teacher, i adamently stated many a time that it wasnt what i wanted to do...yet here i am, 2/3 of my way through a teaching degree and enjoying it-apart from the course being the most disorganised pile of crap, but yeah.... I mean, things change so much-i had some awesome mates in college, and now we hardly speak, and thats not through my lack of trying :(

My point is...im an adult, right? Im 21 this year, ive got one more year at uni and then what...i go and get a job???? Does a person ever feel ready for that? Adulthood is a scary thing...where am i going to live, who with, what if i dont get a job, or i get one and hate it, or cant do it....there are so many things going through my head-because this time next year il have done all my assignments, had all my lectures., and be applying for jobs-no more student life...just the real world, in all its terrifying, exciting glory!!

What happpens when i get my degee-am i gonna stay friends with the people i know now, what happens to me & Tom, if we're still together????? The fact that so much is open to chance and is so unpredicatable scares the shit out of me...

placement is over-it was awesome, but im glad i can now have more time to myself again and get to see Tom more etc. Although having said that ive got lectures all day tomorrow and then im working in the evening, but hey ho!! Now ive started this entry i really cant think of what to write....so im gonna go cook tea with Tom and il update tomorrow or sometime

Toodle pip xxx

sleep...give me sleep!!

Placement is fun, but i cant wait until its over!!

Im overtired, am over emotional due to stupid mother nature, and thus feel like complete poo :(
All i want to do is curl up in bed, bawl my eyes out and then sleep for a week, at least!! I hate feeling like this-im thinking things that i dont like, im feeling things i dont want to feel, i hate being this way-god damm extra hormones :(

I just want someone to hold me and tell me it will all be ok.....