Tuesday, 17 August 2010


Hey everyone, im doing a sponsored skydive for Christies Cancer Hospice on the 18th Sep at Lancaster Airfield and i would


appreciate it if you could sponsor me, every penny counts, however small or large the amount i beg you to donate it!!

Donations can be made either to me personally or via my just giving sponsorship page at:


Please share this around, pass it between friends, family, anyone who you think may be willing to sponsor a worthy cause.

Thankyou so much in advance, you guys are AWESOME!!!!

I love you all xxxxxxxxxxxx

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

my thoughts....and all their weirdness!!

Do you ever feel unfulfilled? Like your life isnt how you want it to be? There are so many things i want t change-some which i cant, but the majority i can....so why dont i? Im really not sure....

Ive always been the typoe of person who starts something and then stops, grows bored or just gives up-looking back through my life so far, i did recorders in primary for a little bit, and then choir, and netball, i joined brownies-got my uniform and then left soon after, i did tennis at high school....but i stuck at none of these things-i started learning both piano and guitar....yet i can still play neither!! What does that say about me-that im a quitter?

Yet at the same time, i stuck it through college, when my depression was at its peak, i stuck it our during first year at uni, even when i failed a placement and felt so low... im so confused about who i am, what i am, how i am...

Do you even wonder where your life is going? I mean, i never wanted to be a teacher, i adamently stated many a time that it wasnt what i wanted to do...yet here i am, 2/3 of my way through a teaching degree and enjoying it-apart from the course being the most disorganised pile of crap, but yeah.... I mean, things change so much-i had some awesome mates in college, and now we hardly speak, and thats not through my lack of trying :(

My point is...im an adult, right? Im 21 this year, ive got one more year at uni and then what...i go and get a job???? Does a person ever feel ready for that? Adulthood is a scary thing...where am i going to live, who with, what if i dont get a job, or i get one and hate it, or cant do it....there are so many things going through my head-because this time next year il have done all my assignments, had all my lectures., and be applying for jobs-no more student life...just the real world, in all its terrifying, exciting glory!!

What happpens when i get my degee-am i gonna stay friends with the people i know now, what happens to me & Tom, if we're still together????? The fact that so much is open to chance and is so unpredicatable scares the shit out of me...

Sunday, 21 March 2010

placement is over-it was awesome, but im glad i can now have more time to myself again and get to see Tom more etc. Although having said that ive got lectures all day tomorrow and then im working in the evening, but hey ho!! Now ive started this entry i really cant think of what to write....so im gonna go cook tea with Tom and il update tomorrow or sometime

Toodle pip xxx

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

sleep...give me sleep!!

Placement is fun, but i cant wait until its over!!

Im overtired, am over emotional due to stupid mother nature, and thus feel like complete poo :(
All i want to do is curl up in bed, bawl my eyes out and then sleep for a week, at least!! I hate feeling like this-im thinking things that i dont like, im feeling things i dont want to feel, i hate being this way-god damm extra hormones :(

I just want someone to hold me and tell me it will all be ok.....

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

Being Adult...

If this is adulthood, then i don't like it!! I'm so confused, i don't know what i want, who i want to be with, where i want to go....i don't know who i am anymore!!

I'm majorly confused!!

I was thinking the other day, that surely life is what you make it....but know i'm not so sure, i don't know what decisions to make, what choices to choose.....

I would really like to be a child again, at times....life was so much easier when the worst part of your day was when you weren't allowed to buy any sweets!!

Love is so complicated.....
Do you love like you've never been hurt?
Is it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?

I honestly don't know anymore......i have so many regrets in my life already, i don't want anymore, but i honestly don't know what to do....

Tuesday, 2 February 2010


i never realised quite how petty people can be!!

No pain, no gain...i think not, currently ive got a lot of pain, and the only thing ive gained is a shed load of stress, which really dont need anymore of.

Im so fed up with this whole thing, why do people have to be so two faced, cant they just get a grip and grow up!!

Im trying, so hard to make this work, yet i feel like im the one to blame, me and the ginger seem to have made our peace, but the cling on is kicking up a fuss still, saying things about my friends etc....seriously i wish she would just get over it and move on, for the sake of us all!! If shes not careful then a fair few people are gonna be having words with her, and i cant stop them....

I just want all this to blow over, im sick to death of it all.


on a more positive note, i bought 2 pairs of jeans today :) they are very nice


Tuesday, 26 January 2010

lemonade anyone?

Well hello....i hope everyone had a good Christmas and New year :)

Who made New Years resolutions and has broken them already....? I thought so :P

Why do we do it...we make them every time, year after year...even though its a pretty standard guarantee that by the end of January we will have forgotten about them, broken them, or simply not found time to act on them....

Thats quite sad, if you think about it, as a human race i feel we spend too much time, wondering, hoping, wishing...and not enough time DOING!! Instead of deciding what to do for the new year-go out and do it, make a start.

How do you eat an elephant-one bite at a time....so take that bite, dont be overwhelmed by the looming giant 'thing'.....its only scary if you let it be

Life is a scary place...but one thing i have learnt this year so far, is that I have the ultimate power and control. Going with the saying....life gives me lemon-FACT, what happens to them is entirely up to me....i can make lemonade, or lemon pie, or, squeeze them on pancakes-the possibilities are endless, yet usually, my lemons end up going old and brown in the fridge because i didnt act upon what life gave me, i expected/assumed/hoped that the lemons would get up and sort themselves out....funnily enough, they never do!!

Anyway, im not actually quite sure where that lot came from, although i guess i have been doing a lot of thinking lately...about who i am, what i want, about my life and where its going, what im doing etc-Mum, if your reading this, dont panic, im ok, just going through a contemplative stage :)

A question for you to think about, even thought i think Helen is the only person who actually reads this....

What is Love?

i give my version of love, to all you out there,

Never fear, i'll be back-whether you like it or not :P xxxx