my thoughts....and all their weirdness!!

Do you ever feel unfulfilled? Like your life isnt how you want it to be? There are so many things i want t change-some which i cant, but the majority i can....so why dont i? Im really not sure....

Ive always been the typoe of person who starts something and then stops, grows bored or just gives up-looking back through my life so far, i did recorders in primary for a little bit, and then choir, and netball, i joined brownies-got my uniform and then left soon after, i did tennis at high school....but i stuck at none of these things-i started learning both piano and guitar....yet i can still play neither!! What does that say about me-that im a quitter?

Yet at the same time, i stuck it through college, when my depression was at its peak, i stuck it our during first year at uni, even when i failed a placement and felt so low... im so confused about who i am, what i am, how i am...

Do you even wonder where your life is going? I mean, i never wanted to be a teacher, i adamently stated many a time that it wasnt what i wanted to do...yet here i am, 2/3 of my way through a teaching degree and enjoying it-apart from the course being the most disorganised pile of crap, but yeah.... I mean, things change so much-i had some awesome mates in college, and now we hardly speak, and thats not through my lack of trying :(

My point is...im an adult, right? Im 21 this year, ive got one more year at uni and then what...i go and get a job???? Does a person ever feel ready for that? Adulthood is a scary thing...where am i going to live, who with, what if i dont get a job, or i get one and hate it, or cant do it....there are so many things going through my head-because this time next year il have done all my assignments, had all my lectures., and be applying for jobs-no more student life...just the real world, in all its terrifying, exciting glory!!

What happpens when i get my degee-am i gonna stay friends with the people i know now, what happens to me & Tom, if we're still together????? The fact that so much is open to chance and is so unpredicatable scares the shit out of me...